For this memory, hazy does not mean hard to remember. Hazy refers to the stink cloud that surrounded me for several hours after a generous helping of dried plums. This post will focus on the plusses and minuses of a high fiber diet.
7:04 AM. Team leader, codenamed “Aaron Roberts” just walked up to me, after I had unleashed one of the final, god forsaken farts trapped in my colon. He made the conversation short. Much like a skunk, my self-defense mechanism is working wonders. That old dog won’t come barking up this tree again anytime soon.
6:50 AM. I am in the industrial sized freezer looking for Hot Pockets. Meanwhile, I’m dropping hot pockets of gas continually from my rectum. Dear Myth Busters, you can’t see your fart “breath” in the cold. I hope this entry saves you the time of shooting the corresponding episode.
6:20 AM: There is no way that lady who works in the adjacent department is not hearing these farts. Seriously, it’s like I’m sounding the seventh trumpet over here. That’s okay; I didn’t think she’d ever date me anyways. This just solidifies it. At the very least, I hope everything remains solid.
5:30 AM: Seriously, that was like a minute long. It’s good that I work alone for the most part. I go hours without seeing other people. It allows me to conduct experiments. Today I’m making methane gas.
5:00 AM: Okay, the fireworks are really starting. Took a bit longer than anticipated. I hope the grand finale doesn’t ruin any of my clothes.
4:20 AM: My stomach is grumbling and moaning. It’s nice to have something talking to me on this long, lonely, third-shift.
2:30 AM: I really didn’t intend to eat that whole bag. Once you pop you can’t stop. I have a feeling I’m going to be popping quite a bit in a few hours.
2:00 AM: Yesterday I ate a bunch of cheese. There was quite the selection available to me, so I sampled a large amount of each. Needless to say, I feel a little… irregular today. Luckily I work at a grocery store and have access to a number of fibrous options. Never thought I’d say that last line. Cue bag of plums.