WHO ARE YOU TO REVIEW: FILA Texas Ranger tennis shoe?

FILA Joaquinn Phoenix tennis shoe.

I made the mistake of saying that I was going to review something besides a beer in the last edition of WAYTR.

A sacrifice.  Even though this website is all about my wants, my needs, my desires!

If I want to become an alcoholic, but justify it by saying “it’s for the website…” it’s my life MOM, I do what I want.  I’m 26!

GOD!  I’m totally moving out!

[When I can afford it or find a good roommate with a vagina (AKA LTR girlfriend,wife, g-milf)

Anyways, let’s not get into how much I suck, let’s talk about the FILA Millan Express tennis shoe.  It’s pretty good.  I liked how it wasn’t like a boot.  Pretty cool how the laces matched the rest of the shoe.  It made me feel like I was performing better while walking on my treadmill at 2 mph, watching The Colbert Report.


Not a boot.

Laces matched the rest of the shoe.

Looks like something Beetlejuice would wear, if he was running a 5k.


You would look like like a tool if you wore the FILA Nighwatch Maker’s with your regular clothes.  Unless all of your regular clothes are also gym clothes.  Then, you just look like a tool in general.

Not as cool as the Reebok pump shoes from the 90’s.

NO PUMP? Would've been better if it had some sort of pump system, like the above shoe.


VERDICT:  I don’t even know if you can buy the FILA Absent Gardens anymore.  RECOMMENDED?

**Side-note, the beer consumed during the video was yet another Michigan craft beer.  Mackinac Pale Ale by Michigan Brewing CO.

It was pretty-okay.  If I was to review it… WHICH I AM IN NO WAY DOING — it would probably bump Sierra Nevada out of third place.

Expect Sierra Nevada Torpedo to drop a place in the rankings with every review.

Gold medal – Founders Dirty Bastard

Silver medal –  Arcadia Ales London-Style Porter

Bronze medal – Michigan Brewing Company Mackinac Pale Ale

I hope you didn’t pay for it –  Sierra Nevada Torpedo


Author: JuiceJohn

It doesn't have to make cents.

3 thoughts on “WHO ARE YOU TO REVIEW: FILA Texas Ranger tennis shoe?”

  1. what is that awesome shirt you r wearing in your review…looks like a polo shirt from a George Micheal yard sale.

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