The Slim Fast diet. Body by Vi. Nutrisystem. Horse shit.
Overhyped and overpriced horse shit.
Every fat person knows why they’re fat. It’s not a mystery, in fact — it’s SCIENCE.
All the food you want to eat is really tasty. Unfortunately, it also has a shit ton of calories, as its been deep-fried several times. If you eat too many calories and don’t burn said calories — they turn into FAT, which often results to silky smooth inner thighs.
(The friction of flesh on flesh rubs the hair clean off.)
As mentioned before — I’ve struggled with weight, but I’ve had major successes. I know how to drop the LBS.
Now, I’m telling you (and practicing what I preach.)
Introducing The John’s Juice Weight Management System.
Every weight loss goal depends on one thing. Say it with me, “calorie deficit.” Nobody said it with me.
Pretty simple, don’t eat so much and move a little. It’s easy, but with the American diet and lifestyle, we all fuck it up. The consistent factor of those afortementioned diet plans is meal substitution. Drink a shake. Eat a “healthy” cheeseburger. Deprive yourself of stuffing your face until your going to pop.
Great idea, but it’s expensive and you can do it yourself much cheaper, with better results. Make your own concoction. Here’s how to make mine:
SOLUTION: John’s Juice. Mix protein and creatine powder. Mix the powder with milk. Replace two meals with John’s Juice. Eat a sensible dinner (nothing deep-fried.) Go fuck yourself (to burn calories.)
The John’s Juice Weight Management System AKA SEASON 2 AKA “APRIL”
- DIET TIPS: I’m going to show you pictures of doughnuts and discuss how you shouldn’t eat them.
- FAT MAN WORKOUT PLAN: Free EDITED YouTube workout videos from yours truly! Yeah, I’m totally going for it. Juice John as your personal trainer. Not really, I’m not liable if you hurt yourself.
- WEEKLY RESULTS: I’m going to lose weight on this plan and brag about it. You’ll see.
In a fitting procrastinate manner, I start all this on Wednesday. Be there or be like everybody else, ever.