I’m a normal person, I do the Facebook. Fun fact, I have more people on my blocked list than actual friends. Anti-social networking.
Anyways, I put up a picture of me and my friend, Smiley. Smiley noticed the hipness of our location and decided we should try to look like artists. I, already intoxicated, said “whatever” or “okay” or “titties” or however drunk people respond.
Smiley responded to the picture, “so hip.” Some other person liked it. You know, Facebook shit. Then the LADY who took the picture and frequents the comedy establishment decided to be a sarcasm troll. You know, Facebook shit.
LADY: that’s a good one. pensive. at a comedy club.
Whatever. I didn’t have a witty rebuttal. A few days passed. I still didn’t have a smart ass remark lined up, but I came home from work feeling passive-aggressive. Good thing I have the internet to channel this energy.
JOHN: wow. you’re right. sandbox.
With nothing meaningful to contribute, my strategy was to copy her lowercase, short sentence approach. I related her final sentence as “something you would find in the city” and for some reason “sandbox” was the first thing that popped into my head. Good enough. Send.
Moments after I pressed the enter key, I realized that I might have just changed the world. Juice John, first person ever to ever use the word “sandbox” as a derogatory term.
LET ME EXPLAIN:
The phrase “sand in your vagina” is popular in my generation. It’s origin — like many catchphrases — South Park.
In South Park it is used by Cartman to imply that Kyle is irritable and hard to deal with. As a catchphrase, it is often expanded into “go wash the sand out of your vagina.” Clean it up. Come back in a better mood.
That explains the sand part. Let’s now move on to the box. Box is a slang term for a vagina. It’s something that you put junk in.
Put the two things together and you have “sandbox.” A box filled with sand. It’s so simple.
My genuine hope is that “sandbox” will replace “bitch” and the world will be a better place.
So, the next time someone is being a
bitch jerk to you, call them a sandbox instead.
Here are some quick examples that I put little to no thought into.
“If I would’ve known that you were going to be such a sandbox today, I would’ve brought a little plastic shovel and bucket.”
“I would recommend a tetanus shot before playing in that girl’s sandbox.”
“Kiss her neck and that sandbox becomes a mudslide.”
“That sandbox is in to all sorts of freaky toys, like Tonka trucks.”
“There are probably fire-ants in that sandbox.”
“I’m going to make like an ostrich and bury my head in that sandbox.”
You get it…