DIET TIPS: Get sick and lose weight.

I’m running a fever right now.  My left tonsil is swollen.  It’s so large that it’s almost touching ol’ righty.  This sucks.

But on a positive note, it hurts way too bad to eat anything.  What is the key to every successful weight loss diet?  Deprivation!

What a great way to start this thing!

My weight as of today: 209 lbs.

Yeah, I’ve already lost a pound “following” the John’s Juice system.  It’s only been two days!

Suck it, Slim-Fast.

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GOD DAMN GENETICS: Season Finale: Is there a fat gene? If so, I have it.

"Hi Oprah, I noticed that you can get pretty fat too."
"Hi Oprah, I noticed that you also can get pretty fat."

I’ve been fat my whole life. Born at 9 pounds, I grew into chubby toddler and was fat throughout adolescence.

Hovering around 300 lbs. in high school led to my first diet.

THE ATKINS DIET

After my freshman year, I decided enough was enough and started looking into diets. As a self-professed food-addict, I chose Atkins as it was sold to me as a “eat until you’re full” type of plan. I spent the summer eating as much meat, cheese, and eggs as I wanted. I lost 60 lbs.
Needless to say, I didn’t stick with the diet. It gets old, fast.
I maintained my weight loss for the first year or so, but gained back 35 lbs. over the next couple of years.

At the end of a long term relationship when I was 23, I decided I should try to fix myself. At a weight of 265 lbs. it was time to cue the next diet.

ALTERNATE-DAY FASTING

The diet was simple. I just wouldn’t eat anything for three days out of the week and practically whatever I wanted on the other four. Worked well, lost a whopping 75 lbs. over the course of six-months. Maintained my all-time low adult weight of 190 lbs. for a year, then started to lift weights and eat every day, causing a gain of 45 lbs. over the next twelve months.

In the "best" shape of my life at 205 lbs.

On January 1st, 2012 my weight was up to 235 lbs. I decided that didn’t work for me and it was time to diet again.

ALTERNATE-DAY FASTING: ROUND 2.

I haven’t been as die-hard about dieting this year. I am back down to 210 lbs. but lost the weight much slower.  Too many weekly beer induced binges (for the blog!) led to massive weight fluctuations.

The bottom line:

I’m addicted and allergic to tasty, tasty food. It makes me swell up. So does beer.
Exercise makes me feel good, but then I just eat more, as I’m hungrier.

I would love to hit my goal weight of 170 lbs. in 2012.

If only there was some sort of diet and exercise plan that was free, effective, and hosted by a charismatic fat man that I can relate to.

If only…

If only…

(SEASON 2 FORESHADOWING)