PITCH: MOVIE: George W. Bush: War Hero.

I’m watching Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter as I type this.  This movie has inspired me.  Alternate history movies are a great idea!

I want to make a movie in the same vein as AL:VH, but have the protagonist be George W. Bush as he personally hunts down Saddam Hussein and single-handedly unites the Iraqi people.  I’m thinking an action segment where G.W. is caught alone and must fight his way through the hostile streets of Baghdad.   I’m talking G.W. in a tank being a bad-ass.  G.W. in a jet being a bad-ass.  G.W. being a bad-ass in hand to hand combat.  G.W. saying “bad-ass” at least fifty times during the course of the movie.

When G.W. finally encounters Saddam, he lassos him (because G.W. is also a rancher) and publicly hangs him to the roaring cheers of the Iraqi people.  Women flash G.W. their breasts and aren’t beaten by their husbands.  The flag in the public square is taken down and replaced by that of the red, white, and blue.  George W. Bush is the face on all Iraqi currency.

Keep in mind, this is just my pitch.  If Hollywood wants to give me some money, I will gladly quit my job to write the screenplay.

Here are some conceptual photos, on the house:




M&M’s have come in a lot of varieties throughout the years.  Coconut, pretzel, almond, peanut butter, mint, crisp, dark chocolate, cherry, peanut, and mini. At this point, they could almost make a trail mix completely out of M&M’s… but something is missing.

Raisin! Hey Mars Company, you could totally wipe out Raisinets with the introduction of this variety.  I took the liberty of designing the first package for you.

The launch of raisin M&M’s would lead to another exciting product…

M&M Trail Mix – Raisin, peanut, almond, peanut butter, pretzel, and mini M&M’s.

Now please pay me.

PITCH: PRODUCT: A microwave that isn’t afraid of a little metal.

Where the hell is science lately?  It seems like they’re all focused on cellphones and GPS-satellite-blah-blah-blah.  We’re not even done with appliances yet.  Let’s look a little inward.

The Dyson guy gets it.  He looked at the vacuum and said “NOT GOOD ENOUGH.”  I respect that.  Fuck vacuums.  They suck.

I feel the same way about microwaves.  Where’s the innovation?  What’s the next best thing in microwave technology?

This is a microwave.

Someone needs to invent a microwave that I can put metal in.  I feel like something beyond myself (god?) is driving me on this one.  Also, I grill potatoes wrapped in tin foil.  I would like to eat the leftovers the next day, heating them up quickly in a microwave.  But who has the energy and time to unwrap them?  And as everyone knows, unwrapping a potato prior to heating ruins the locked in flavor.

These are potatoes wrapped in tin foil.

Another example — I make instant oatmeal.  When I stir it halfway through cooking, I sometimes forget to take the spoon out.   Loud noises. Pop.  Everyone yells at me.

Current and future science people, now you know.  A microwave that doesn’t freak out over metal would be really cool.