MINIMALIST COMICS: Three Types of Fat

 

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JOKES THAT BOMBED: CVS, Jared

This joke had people going “yeah, that makes sense” instead of laughing.
There’s something here, I’m just not good enough at comedianing yet to find it.  Nonetheless, it’s mine, posted, stamped, back off.

Tabloids, tampons, make up, and scented soaps.
CVS is so geared towards women I think it stands for Convenient Vagina Store.

When I started open mics this Jared Fogle story broke.  I decided to try and be topical.  This bit actually didn’t bomb, but I was called a hack afterwards — and I was so fresh to the scene that it hurt my feelings and I never did any of it again.   Pussy.

Jared Fogle, the former fat man now former spokesman for Subway could control his weight but not his desires for youngsters.   Jared was under investigation for child pornography and texts have emerged where he brags about paying $100 to sleep with a 16 year old.  Shocking.
Where did he find such a good deal?  I always thought he looked Jewish.

Subway, Eat Freshman.
It turns out that when Jared was walking his fat ass to Subway he was taking the route that led him through the playground and past the high school tennis court.  “Sitting on a park bench” (Very relevant Jethro Thull reference)
Apparently one way to lose a lot of weight by eating Subway is to order off the kids menu.
They should advertise that.

Subway, Flat Chest.

M4M: Seeking young black male.

There’s a lot of shit you don’t know about me.  For one, I’m a fake a musician.  I make sick beats on the computer.

Lately I’ve been listening to a lot of Kendrick Lamar.  I’m god damned inspired to get this rap career going and finally get out of my parents house.

The problem is — I’m too old and white.  Twenty-seven is elderly in the rap game.  And as a fan of rap music — I have to admit — it’s just better when a black guy is doing it.

So being the problem solver that I am, I posted an ad to CraigsList.

M4M: Seeking young black male. 

Older white male seeking 17-21 male to spit.  Must be young, black, willing to go all night if needed.  Bandanna a bonus!

I hope this works.